Eredel Illistration

It's so creepily cute, I love it.

-P.

Ordinary Forest

Missing home again.

-P.

Happiest Place on Earth

Leaving for Disneyland in a few days. It'll be nice to go in October when the weather isn't scorching and there aren't heavy crowds. I'm more nervous than excited. I think it's because I'm so worried that something is going to go wrong. I just know something is going to go wrong. Nothing catastrophic, but I know there's going to be some sort of argument or conflict that will put a damper on the first vacation I've had in four years. I don't even know if the vacation will help at all. I know Mum is glad to go, Ken is stressed out and snappy/conflictive, Sen is going through her sullen angsty teenager stage. Which is probably the most annoying fucking thing on earth. I think if she doesn't at least try to make nice and have a good time, than it's going to make it hell for the rest of us. I'm going to try at least, to have a good time, enjoy what little time I have there and take lots of pictures for memories. Something, I dunno.

-P.

Little Ear Hats

I don't know what little shop this is, but I love their merchandise. Especially the little ear hats.

-P.

Marie Antoinette

Such a good movie! Stayed up till one in the morning watching it last night. The costumes and make-up was awesome. It was a little too modern for me, I thought they could have stayed more true to the time period. I thought it was wierd how the actors had American accents or English accents and it was kind of wrong and confusing. But overall a really good movie filled with all kinds of eye candy.

-P.

Black and White Film

-P.

The Breadwinner

Oh what, yes, I might get a job. So while I was at Old Navy yesterday, being the OCD that I am, I was getting a different size of a shirt and I noticed some of them were messed up. So I started refolding them and as I was refolding them at least two people came up to me thinking that I worked there. And then as we were checking out my Mom told that story to the cashiers and they said "Oh, you know that we're hiring right now, right?" So I got this card for their job registration website.

And then, while I was putting the cart away there was another cart in front of the store so I grabbed that one as well. And then on my way back in to put the carts back in both the cashiers came up and said something along the lines of they wanted my first and last name and my phone number so when they saw my name on the registration list they would bump me to the top of the list. SCORE. I guess my OCD decided to be good rather than evil that day.

So, I might get a job at Old Navy. So that's minimum wage unless I get promoted or something. It seems like a job that I would enjoy, because I like cleaning and folding and it would be fun to work the register. It'll be nice to have money of my own, I don't have to worry as much about asking my parents for money. Because we're going through a hard time right now and I always feel guilty about asking for money for stuff. And now I can pay for other stuff I want to do. Like flying home and going to cons with my friends. Hooray!

-P.

Sale Shopping

They are having a jumper/sweater sale at Old Navy and I am ridiculously excited. I have no sweaters except for one sweater vest. Which does not keep me very warm. At all.

Good thing we're going to this, it's gets to sub-zero temperatures in Colorado. I swear to god there is permafrost. And I have to wait for the bus for ten minutes out by the park. Sure, there are cute little bunnies hopping around to distract me from my frozen appendages.

Later we're going to the corn maze. I'm going with my two sisters and her boyfriend. We'll probably be there for a good two to three hours. There's some sort of treasure hunting game there. Fun, fun, fun.

-P.

Pretty Photo Prince Party

Stop! Photo Time. I'm done, I'm sorry, I'll get on that project...

-P.

People and Projects

I have a project (that I am currently taking a mental health break from) due tomorrow. I've got my outline and my plan for it. I just have to print out this document and get drawing. I'll probably be up all night. All covert ops in the semi-darkness of my bedroom. Drawing Snape caricature after Severus Snape caricature until I finally finish this stupid assignment.

I kind of want to just use clip art and skip all this drawing nonsense. But then I get docked points and 'I was hoping for something with more effort'. I'm exhausted from school and from my earlier homework marathon. Watched the new 'Criminal Minds' and got back to work. Or at least tried to get back to work. It's been forty minutes since I escaped from the televisions hypnotizing gaze. I just hope he doesn't draw attention to my particular project. It's annoying enough as it is with the "Your writing is so small?" and "What are you draw? Can I see? Can you draw me?"

People sometimes. Sometime they just get to me. Just a little bit. But I think it'd be best if I avoided forming a House M.D. like narcissistic personality disorder. That'd probably be the less life damaging route.

-P.

Granger Danger

Love troubles, family troubles, school troubles, me troubles. I have had all kinds of troubles, especially these past two weeks. I don't know what it is, but everyone is on edge, grumpy, tired, depressed. Is it the coming of winter? The fact that the sun will be condemned for a few months? (Not that I mind.)

I know that the economy is shit. And it's going to get better. It's gotten a bit better. But still he sits in the same spot all day playing the game that today he said was: "Not fun." Which turned my desperate question into a short argument which ended with an abrupt "Mind your own goddamn business." I miss my sister, all my little babies, my oldest friend, my big friendly giant. I want to move away, get out of here. But I can't leave my little sister behind. She's just as miserable as I am. I can't just leave her with Mum to defend herself. I can't move in the middle of the semester again. But I want to. Sometimes I feel like it's the worst possible environment I could be in. There's no happiness. The only thing I'm content with is to sleep my troubles away. But that accomplishes nothing. My family is struggling, has been struggling for the past four years. It's always been about money and what are we going to do about this and that. My Dad is jobless (again), and depressed. He doesn't even try anymore. Mum's working her hardest, sometimes I feel horrible, I get angry that he's not helping at all and I don't like it. What happened to 'in sickness and in health, for better and for worse?'

I don't care much at all for my school, or the people in it. I'm struggling again. For reasons I don't understand. The stress is getting to me, I'm doing funny things, shrugging and rolling my shoulders, scrunching up my nose, twisting my neck. I don't even realize I'm doing it. I try to hold it in, but it's like a sneeze, I can only hold it in for a short while until I need to make another face. It looks strange, feels strange. I feel like whatever there is for me to control I better do a good job. I straighten posters, align the place mats, make sure every glass is filled to the exact same level for dinner, three ice cubes exactly. It's maddening and calming. It gives me a short burst of pride to know that my pencils are organized by color, and then by length, and then by lead density.

Falling in love, the second time I've ever like someone for more than just a couple of days. It's hard though, because of the issues regarding it. But I've liked the person for over a year. And since I moved from the house I grew up in, none of my friendship's have lasted more than eight months. This is an accomplishment, I've known them for a year and a half, fell in love with them five months in. At first I thought it was just friendship, but that happiness whenever we were together never went away, it intensified. They became the most important person in the world to me. Maybe this is a bit much, after all, I'm only sixteen. I'm sure by the time I graduate from High School I'll have fallen in and out of love dozens of times. But this is different. There are the girls that date five different guys a year. I've only dated once, for a very long period of time, but ultimately ended in disaster, but it was a dysfunctional relationship to begin with. But this is different. It's not the same emotions, it's not anything that was. I can't describe it, but it's like paradise being with them. My best friend, but I don't want to ruin it. Among other things that I don't yet feel comfortable saying because I'm going to wait until I'm at a 'safe' point in my life when I do. It's torture though. Just sitting back and admiring from afar. I don't know if I can stand it much longer though.

But time will pass. Situations will improve. Though I doubt feelings will change. Nobody reads this blog, which is fine. (At least the two people I know that read it I can trust with my life.) One already knows my situation and another has a vague idea of the dysfunctionality going on. Long post, long rant, but I feel much better now.

-P.

Cirque in a Box

I went to go and see 'Kooza' by Cirque Du Soleil this morning. And it was amazing. I've seen the show at least fifteen times, but this is my first time seeing it live. Although I was disappointed that the 'Wheel of Death' was skipped over and that Natasha was missing from the Contortionist Act, the experience was good and loads of fun. Being in theater and shows, it was hard for me to ignore mistakes, try to figure out how they did things and just sit back and enjoy the show.


I do have to commend Cirque on their craftiness nonetheless, setting a clown act in the audience to distract from the rigging they were doing onstage. Clever! Even with the seemingly crazy clown act, what with the clowns and police running around the audience along with confetti cannon fire, it is very precise and controlled. Controlled chaos if you will. It reminds me back in the older days of Circus, before Cirque du Soleil, when clowns and extra's also helped with the rigging and set changes, not just performing. None of this all automated stuff. Everyone has a vital role in this production. I felt like it really went back to the root of Circus, not just fancy lighting and special effects, but real death-defying, beautiful, amazing acts.


I automatically fell in love with the costumes and the make-up. Especially the make-up. (I might have to do a 'Kooza' cosplay sometime in the future.) The color scheme fitted this show very well, unlike some that didn't quite make sense. Deep, rich colors paired along with the Indian inspired music evoked a feeling of being in a foreign land. Successfully transporting the audience into their world of fantasy.


I was very sad when it was over. When I noticed the show was nearing it's end I felt disappointed it was going to be over so soon. (Although over two hours of heart hammering acts is quite enough for some.) There was a standing ovation, nothing less than they deserved for all of their hard work. Standing ovations are the best; both performers and audience members feel jubilant after a big ending. Smiles all around, that sort of thing.

Lots of fun, and I look forward to seeing another show soon. (Quidam? All Together Now?) Excited to see what Cirque comes up with in the future.

-P.

Wuthering Heights

The first of many photo posts to come!
-P.